Trust your instincts!

Parental instincts trump everything else — I discovered that “great” schools are not always “great” for all families.

We are in the process of moving our child (mid-year) kindergarten from a "great" public school to a private school. It was definitely a hard decision, financially speaking, and emotionally for both, us and our child. Especially since all of our neighbors send their kids happily to that school, and if anything are sending their kids to private middle schools.

On the other hand, based on how he was doing at the school, it was kind of a no-brainer. I feel guilt for not recognizing this earlier. We never expected him to have trouble, as he had always made friends easily and adjusted beautifully to new situations. And his teacher was really as wonderful as everyone said. But he was miserable almost from the start, and was doing weird things (for him), like getting into fights, using language, and crying whenever I had to leave after volunteering. There were also behavioral challenges that suggested low self-esteem. It was clear that he did not want to/was not ready to do the hard work of learning to read and write and sit still for long stretches and listen quietly, as required of kindergarteners who are one of 24 kids in a classroom with one teacher.

I think the nature of public education did not work for him; too many worksheets and independent activities, not enough collaborative learning opportunities or recess or ways to really engage in the things he wanted to learn about. In the end, we rationalized we would give him a good foundation so that he learned to love learning and had a chance to figure out who he is and what he stands for before entering middle school, where I expect him to figure more things out for himself. We also realized that things would get better for him at the public school, but then he would simply coast under the radar, which was problematic in its own way. This is a super hard decision.

The public school was not the right fit for us as a family. We volunteered 3hrs a week, tried to attend all the art and musical shows, which always happened at the most inconvenient time of the day, and inspite of the effort, with both of us working full time, we always felt like a failure. Our child was unhappy, he had lost the joy and curiosity to learn. The zeal to conquer new challenges was replaced with a soul screaming for help. I am so thankful for the counsel of many wise women who lived through these struggles. In every single voice, the constant was to trust my instincts. God showed us favor that we found, interviewed, screened and shadowed at a Christian School, all within a week and finally he was officially accepted today. The shadow day in the private school went exceptionally well. The staff and his peers were very welcoming. He happily learned to read and write in two languages (why pay for private school if you can’t at least get a second or third language out of it?).

Wish us luck as we transition with him mid-year. Pray for us and him to embrace the unknown and trust that God has great things planned for him!